Diary of Red Sea Virgin(Extract Three)

Day 4 (Tuesday 25th April)

After the excitement of day 3 (Dave's Disastrous Day), day 4 had a lot to live up to, but that it did. It began with an early morning swim with the dolphins (about 50 of them). It was a fantastic feeling swimming with these beautiful creatures and some people were lucky enough to get very close. Others (myself included I'm afraid) were so desperate to get close to the dolphins that we finned like mad to try and catch them up, not realising that all we were doing was chasing them away! So here's an official apology to those who were trying to sneak up quietly - we'll know better next time.

The first dive of the day was at Samadai. The corals on this reef were in pristine condition and they were teeming with life - blue-spotted rays, giant moray eels, puffer fish, snappers, butterfly fish, groupers and triggerfish to name but a few. Tony gave this dive a 4 star rating (5 stars being the maximum) and this was backed up by the fact that he was heard singing throughout most of the dive; seemingly a sure sign that he's having a good time.

A fantastic night dive at Erg Mabee topped off an excellent day's diving. This was a very small reef, which we spiralled round throughout the dive. Some people estimated that they went round it 12 times before surfacing and coming out feeling decidedly dizzy.

After dinner it was time for drinks and stories. Early on in the evening these stories were generally diving related; more often than not they progressed to being about sex. Somehow, Tony managed to cover both subjects at the same time. He told us that male dolphins have been known to sexually harass female divers; in fact he'd heard of one dolphin who was so turned on by his new playmate, that he eventually ejaculated all over her fins! 

Tony then related another amazing anecdote about a friend of his, who once went on a diving holiday with his girlfriend. During one particular dive, it seems she felt a little horny and decided to give her boyfriend a blowjob at 10 metres. (Rumour has it she'd run out of air and he'd told her that's where he kept his alternative air source). Tony refused to divulge any information as to the identity of his 'friend', which led us to conclude that he himself was that lucky man! When presented with this assumption, he smiled and once again refused to comment. So tell us Tony, did that particular dive receive a 5 star rating?

On a more serious note, 'The Murder' game produced lots of 'kills' today. Souheil was killed in the toilet with a bottle of chilli sauce. I was killed below deck whilst in water (luckily Gary chose to attack as I was climbing out of the water after a dive, instead of pouncing whilst I was in the shower). Soon afterwards Gary was killed with a banana, which Caroline had taken to bed with her the previous night. She said she kept it under her pillow so that she could attack him on the stairs first thing in the morning, but it hadn't gone unnoticed that she had woken in a particularly good mood that morning! 

This had been another brilliant day, which climaxed with the appearance of a gorgeous, beautifully bronzed sex god with long blond hair. He was definitely NOT one of our guys (if only!) but a diver from another boat who had come across to check out the accommodation that "Miss Nouran" had to offer. Whilst Lindsey and I were busy drooling, Margaret jumped up and offered to show him her cabin. As the two of them disappeared downstairs, we were left kicking ourselves for not thinking of it first - way to go Margaret!

Day 5 (Wednesday 26th April)

Day 5 was to be a day of revelations.  Much to people's horror, Pete admitted to doing a poo in his wet suit on a previous Red Sea trip. "If you've gotta go, you've gotta go" was his response to the resounding "ugh!" that came out after his confession.  

Pete also revealed that he had once been attacked by a Titan Triggerfish after he had swum into its territory. He tried to get away but the "persistent little bugger" kept following and head-butting him. In the end Pete was forced to unclip his octopus rig and repeatedly smack his assailant on the head until it finally got the message and swam off. 

Tony described how he went to a tattoo festival in Dunstable one year. As he walked round the stalls he noticed that the wares were getting a little more extravagant. He then realised that the theme was decidedly more S&M than simple body art; extreme body piercing, leather attire and plenty of chains were the order of the day. He didn't say how long he stayed, or whether he actually purchased anything, but he did have a mischievous twinkle in his eyes as he was relating the tale.

In the afternoon we were visited by a pod of dolphins that swam with the boat for quite some time. Later, Tony revealed that he would like to come back as a dolphin in his next life. I must admit, being free to swim around the world's oceans without so much as a hint of a mortgage payment, deadline or dirty nappy, does sound very appealing. Let me remind you, however, that it was Tony who recounted the little tale about the male dolphin rubbing himself off against a female diver. I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions. 

Steve was pronounced the winner of "The Murder" game, having some 12 kills to his name. He seemed a little disappointed that he hadn't managed more so, next time he asks you to be his buddy, be on your guard.  

As an aside, we also did some diving today - back to Elphinstone Reef by popular demand. I saw my first shark and bit through my mouthpiece (through sheer excitement and not fear I hasten to add). Laurence and Colette found an archway to swim through at 55 metres and met up with some Hammerhead sharks on the other side. Barry and Tony planned and executed a 50m dive to perfection, but didn't see anything of interest until they got back up to 15m. Unfortunately they'd picked the wrong part of the reef to 'go down deep' on and didn't spot any of the White Tip or Hammerhead sharks that the others had seen. 

On the night dive Lindsey and I were the last pair to enter the water and arrived at the reef to find it lit up like Blackpool Illuminations - divers and torches everywhere. Undeterred we continued with our dive until we suddenly realised that all the lights had gone. "Great" we thought, "at least now we'll have some night vision". It turned out to be a very pleasant dive with plenty to see - moray eels, scorpion fish, lion fish and something that appeared to resemble a deadly sea snake. 
Back on board, Lindsey and I discovered why we hadn't seen any of the other 14 divers during most of the dive - we hadn't gone round the reef like everyone else, but had actually gone over the top! We then described the markings of the sea snake we had seen and Souheil confirmed that there were snakes like that in the area. When we looked it up in the books, however, our deadly sea snake turned out to be a perfectly harmless worm! 

The final instalment of Diary of a Red Sea Virgin will feature flooded hotel rooms, skinny-dipping and the Mafia - just another dull day in Hurghada. 

Don't miss it!